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I Want My Mommy!

My daughter begged me for 3 years in a row to go to Pirates of Emerson Haunted Themed Park. Every year I said “No, you are too young”. But this year she finally reached that magical age where she was ready to face her fears, literally. On we went and had an unforgettable time screaming together!

I had no idea what to expect, but logically, we pay to have people scare us, so keeping that in mind, how bad could it be? Basically there were 4 different scary haunted houses, plus other attractions, such as a maze, bands and some interestingly bizarre dancing on a center stage. But the main attraction are the haunted houses each with a different theme. Some of the themes include Pirates (of course), clowns (because what haunted house would be complete without clowns), and dead-looking people with chainsaws. And yes, I know the chainsaws can’t possibly be real in this litigious society, but they are loud, sound very real, and you can smell smoke from the engine, so your brain overrides its logical side and tells you to get the hell out of there now. The employees dress and act the part very well, including some looking like they came directly out of Deliverance.

Pirates of Emerson

Bottom line is that it was a scary blast! We were scared silly and held on tightly to each other through each haunted house. People chase you, pop out beside you, and run at you. There is nowhere safe but to keep moving forward or whatever direction you can. The best part is when you get so scared that you lose your way, or go through a roped off area (hey it’s dark in there!), the scary people subtly guide you back in the right direction and get you moving on to your next fright.

My daughter and I had so much fun. The next day when it hurt to walk a little, I realized I had pulled a muscle being scared. So, I give Pirates of Emerson two thumbs up (well technically 4) and recommend you go before November 2. I also recommend warming-up and stretching beforehand.



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